This probably isn’t the exact answer you are looking for, but it’s related, and I find it interesting nonetheless.
When my wife and I first started dating 12 years ago, we both had very different views than we have now. We both came from conservative families and we didn’t have the life experiences yet than made us realize that we didn’t blindly agree with our parents. Over time, as we both achieved higher education and gained more life experiences, we slowly started challenging each other in our beliefs. For example, I grew up in a very religious house and was always taught that being gay is a sin. But many (most) of our close friends were gay, and they were all such amazing people. Slowly we started challenging the idea that being gay would condemn someone to eternal suffering. Why would god make someone gay just to condemn them to hell? Another example is that we grew up always being told that if all the laws benefit the businesses, they create jobs and it helps the economy and the poor as well. Eventually we ran through a thought experiment together of where the excess money goes. Sure, some of it gets re-invested in expanding the business and creating jobs. But it seems that the majority of it goes to the people who are already rich, and to the politicians that make the laws that benefit the businesses.
It took years of us challenging each other on our beliefs to get to where we are now. We would bring up a topic and parrot the talking points our parents would say, and the other would give counter points. And we would always respect each other’s views. It would never get personal. And we would always keep an open mind. We wanted to learn when having these debates, not win. And I think that was key. If you engage in a debate with someone who only cares about winning, there is no winner. They will be so stubborn that they won’t even listen to what you have to say.
We have similar views on most of the important things (as defined by us). Our interests are really different though, and that’s fine with me.
Same here. Our core values are the same, but our personal interests are very different. Our personalities are quite different too, but they’re complimentary. What one of us needs, the other can provide. We’re both better together.
This is like us too. The important stuff aligns, but we have very different general interests and hobbies.
We’re politically mostly the same, I’d say I’m further left. I am religious and he is not, but I’m religious in the way Nick Cave is religious, not some Bible thumper; I go to progressive church and it’s more about loving my community than anything else. Were pretty similar.
Over the 42 years we have been together we must have disagreed about pretty much everything that there is to talk about apart from one thing. Wouldn’t want to be with anyone else. It’s the differences that keep it interesting. There is balance and understanding in everything that we have ever talked over ( or argued, shouted and stomped) and we have never gone to bed angry. Over the time though we have kind of formed into a one that people just hate as we are united and supportive of each others different views and just get on. We are individuals first though and always will be happy with our own company. Oh that just sounds sickly but it’s the way it is!
Damn that looks exhausting.
My wife and I, politically, tend to have very different viewpoints. She tends to lean conservative on a lot of things, whereas I tend to be either centrist or left leaning. It works, however, because we’re willing to calmly and rationally listen to each other’s viewpoints, and accept when the other tells us we think we’re off base or just straight up wrong.
Another important part, though, is where she doesn’t lean conservative. That being the area of human rights. She’s very accepting of trans people for instance, of which I am one. And when she has an unknowingly transphobic view, she’s always willing to listen and change her stance when it’s pointed out. If we had fudemental disagreements about treatment of LGBT people and other minorities from the beginning, I never would have dated her. That’s one line that I think shouldn’t be crossed and shows if a person is genuinely hateful or just misguided.
I don’t think she’s ever gonna fully migrate left, and I’m certainly not heading right (fell down that rabbit hole once, not gonna do it again,) but knowing she’ll listen and change if I point out a view of hers is unintentionally hateful has been a very important part of our relationship.
On the non-political side though, we tend to agree on pretty much everything. We have similar views on mental health. We have similar relationship goals. We have near identical hobbies. We even agree on the best condiment to eat nuggets with (barbecue sauce. And if you’re using ketchup you’re a monstrosity.)
Personally, I do think there’s some key things that disagreeing on will, inevitably, destroy a relationship, but I think people overestimate how much you have to agree on to have a healthy relationship.
