Americans have already started noticing a decline in toilet paper rolls in their local stores as customer apparently bulk buy - despite the majority of paper being produced domestically
Toilet paper ‘panic buying’ has been reported in parts of the country, as Americans fear the impact of the ongoing port strike.
Roughly 45,000 members of the International Longshoremen’s Association walked out on Tuesday morning after their contract with the ports expired. News that the strike could impact 36 ports appears to have led some consumers to buy rolls upon rolls of toilet paper in a panic, with shoppers posting pictures of their local stores with empty shelves.
Social media users in New Jersey, Colorado, Virginia and other states reported shelves cleaned out of toilet paper.
Julian starts scalping TP, gets Cory and Trevor (or their more recent replacements) to break in and steal TP from homes to make people need to buy them.
Lahey and Randy oppose this at first, but Julian is able to neutralize Lahey when he reminds him how important having TP is for those mornings after nights of heavy drinking. Lahey agrees to leave them alone and run interference on law enforcement in return for 3 rolls of TP a day. “Are you sure that’s going to be enough, Mr Lahey?” Randy asks.
Bubbles wants to avoid getting involved, seeing how pissed off it will make folks with Julian gouging the fuck out of everyone, but eventually agrees to let Julian store his TP in his shed, which is quickly taken over by it.
Ricky says the whole thing is fucking stupid, you don’t even need TP. Ends up in horrible discomfort and pain due to using poison ivy to wipe his ass.
Julian had been dumping most of his significant profits into expanding his venture (and puts the rest into an expensive car and home entertainment equipment, which he showed off in a scene entirely devoid of TP, including a part where someone grabs a roll to wipe their face and Julian stops them with a, “Don’t use that, you don’t know where that nasty shit has been, here use this tissue”, then the scene cuts to Bubbles unable to enter his shed because it’s entirely full of TP and shot ends with him panicking about his kitties"
Ricky discovers that, after the poison ivy, wiping with stinging nettles feels great because it scratches the ivy rash.
Bubbles and Julian discover that his kitties are fine and looove the TP, to Julian’s dismay because they shred the shit out of a few rolls. He had been resisting Bubbles’ complaints and requests to move it up to that point, immediately decides to move them to shopping carts outside.
People start complaining about the TP getting softer because of the humidity. Most of them are stolen from homes, so they aren’t sealed. Julian has to lower prices.
Ricky is found feverish and delirious in a ditch while Julian, Bubbles, Cory, and Trevor are on their way to heist a TP delivery that will ruin Julian’s business. Julian finally decides to put his friendship before profit and they take Ricky to the ER.
While there, Julian also agrees it’s time to ramp down his business because they couldn’t stop the truck and know that more are coming even if they did.
Then, as they exit the ER, it starts to rain.
Perfection, that was a lot of fun.