Hannah, because in a few months she won’t be just engaged so she will turn less annoying.
Also Wallace. I generally don’t mind old people. Maybe I’m getting old myself but stay off my lawn!
Plot twist, her fiancee refuses to commit to a date and she will be engaged for years, constantly planning a wedding that will never come. Growing more and more frustrated and vocal about her upcoming wedding.
It’s against my morals to use another persons mental anguish for my own amusement, but if she annoys me for years even after I’ve brought it up with Susan from HR I would eventually do that.
Same picks for the same reasons.
… although I’m less proud to admit that I read it as “Known Father” the first time, didn’t catch it until I came to the comments, and he still didn’t make the top 2.
I just kinda figured that “Known Father” meant he was always talking about his kids and experiences with parenthood, and that was enough to eliminate him.
Wallace. In a heartbeat. Cause if someday he doesn’t have one, I’ve got my own office!
Finally the voice of reason. And until then I got an extra cool Grandpa figure in my life to tell me goofy stories.
Monkey paw: he’s a raging maga
Wallace. Bet he’s seen some shit.
Wallace
Wallace. Wallace probably doesn’t give a fuck anymore, and once you gain his trust, is going to say some hilarious shit as a result.
Thats it, he knows the company doesn’t give a fuck and hes just waiting it out. Also I bet he has some stories or wisdom to bestow.
Yeah Wallace is solid, he’s just running out the clock at this point. Bring in some snacks and treat him like a human and he’ll do anything he can to help you.
I’ve had Hannah, Caleb, Wallace and Susan.
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Hannah is annoying at first, but it will blow over.
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Caleb will talk about sports and that will be all he talks about. You can tune him out, but he will learn to hate you, because you don’t value his feats of manliness.
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Wallace is ok at first, but becomes really tiresome. His worldview is from 1920s, blatantly racist and doesn’t realize it, judges you constantly according to some stereotype that is based on some guy he knew 100 years ago and gives you occasional corrective sermons that make no sense, because they are for that guy he once knew.
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Susan appears to be ok, but is a psycho. Will try to manipulate you and delegate stuff to you, even though doesn’t even work in for the same department. Everything is a thing that will be decisive to your career and soon marks you down as a looser, because you don’t listen to her. Will leave the company, because everyone is a looser.
Edit: so anyone in the top four. Office already stinks and on music is allowed.
The last two guys in my team that got retired were 65, but excellent people, and taught me lots, so my first instinct was Wallace. But reading your report, it occurs to me that maybe the description “Is like 100” actually implies a certain oldness of mind that I didn’t consider.
Agree on Caleb. He will quickly tune out due to your lack of interest and there will be peace in office.
I’ve been sharing an office with a Wallace. It can be tiresome. But one can occasionally learn things and ignoring the annoying parts can be part of what you can learn. I’d certainly chose Wallace of these options.
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All of the above. Let’s party!
Radio head it is then
I’d be fine with several of these.
Brice: I’ve never understood people’s distaste for that smell. I won’t microwave tuna in an office because I know others don’t like it, but it wouldn’t bother me.
Wallace: probably has some great stories, but also likely wants to shut up and get things done. Great combination if handled correctly.
Shiloh: hey, you can play anything on your headphones, I’m cool with that. But if you want to play stuff on speaker it’s only fair that we play 50/50. (My secret: I could totally do up to 75% Radiohead)
Dayzie: again, not a smell that tends to bother me.
Yeah, I think all but hr would be fine for me just because hr’s main job is to protect the company above all else.
Because judging people on prejudice is what we like doing. It’s innate, but also a bit harmful towards those that don’t fit the mold.
Also a lot of love for Wallace. That may also be why we favor older people in elections. I don’t think that’s a good thing.
I know it’s a shit post, but I felt like doing a Debby downer in here. Disregard if it spoils your fun.
Yeah, my thoughts exactly, even before reading the comments. Yeah, it’s a shitpost, but “Oh, Wallace is considered bottom of the barrel because… he’s like 100?” Straight up ageism.
In my personal experience, “the really old colleague” is often a real throw of the dice between stubborn-as-fuck-never-matured-know-it-all and very-interesting-seen-it-all-genuinelly-mature-colleague - so basically opposite ends of the scale. Often there’s also the corner-guy-just-counting-their-days-till-retirement, which doesn’t say much about that person since they’re not really into establishing relationships with people whom they will soon never see again and just keep a low profile.
If you’re early career, having one of the seen-it-all kind of older colleagues is probably one of the best things it can happen to you, especially if you’re a bright kid.
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Dayzie
me too, i like the way women smell…
Kinda wanna have Susan in your corner, tbf.
Dayzie
This is the correct answer… As long as there’s no patchouli in it… That shit smells awful
Lewis for sure we can have competitions
I’ve been there. My opponent ended up kneeling before me and admitting defeat.
I think he was half way gassed out not kneeling
The only rule; first to shit themselves loses
No way the first to shit themselves wins
I used to sit next to someone like Hannah in an open plan office. She was lovely. Really happy and excited for her future.
I would be just concerned because she might soon go to maternity leave and it is not clear who would cover for her during her absence
I guess I’m spoiled because I don’t understand how this becomes an issue?
If someone leaves for parental leave (or quits) and you’re now more understaffed, some less important things won’t get done. It’s kind of the company’s problem to have the staff it needs. If you suddenly have to do two full jobs for one salary, you’re kinda getting scammed.
Yeah, I hated her.
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