I will elaborate more in the replies, just be nice.
Tldr… I hate how one of the most common advice you receive as a loner without social life or a partner is to get a dog. I’m taking care of a dog for a while now as a favour, since I’m unemployed and have “nothing to do” (my brother went to his gf beach holiday house for the summer with her, his daughter, my younger siblings and my mom, couldn’t take the dog, it’s old) and I’m miserable, I HATE this. I don’t wanna have to deal with any animal after this.
That’s a form of pressure.
When someone uses a family bond as leverage, it’s pressure or coercion.
It isn’t necessarily done intentionally, I don’t know your family, So I can’t say anything about that, just that if you can’t feel fully free to refuse, it cant be said that you agreed fully.
If you want advice on how to set boundaries about that kind of thing with family, there are ways to go about it without anyone being able to complain unless they’re willing to be a jerk. But that’s a separate thing, and not at all on topic with your post, so feel fully free to ignore me :)
But, yeah, I get it. It’s always a rough position to be in. Sorry you got stuck with it.
Even if that “uses” is implicit and never explicitly stated.
this is why for truly important consent it’s useful to say “enthusiastic consent” - it’s not just “yes (perhaps because i feel pressure or obligation)”, it’s “yes i’d love to!”
I’m basically not bringing money to the home right now and I’m unemployed, I don’t have leverage to refuse. Plus when you’re not the social type, you automatically are set into a more “housekeeper” position by my family. “You don’t wanna go with us to the BBQ? Fine, since you’re here, clean the house and bathroom” sorta stuff
Its not that you dont have the leverage to refuse the request, its that both parties have no leverage unless its accepted.
You are not required to solve your families problems either.
Tell that to my mother
Well, if you’re okay with that, that’s fine. There’s nothing wrong with accepting that, or even enjoying it. We all have the right to run our own lives.
If you aren’t okay with that, be aware that it is also okay to renegotiate what is and isn’t part of your duties in the household. It isn’t about leverage, it’s about communication and establishing healthy boundaries. Whether or not you have an outside job, whether or not you’re social, you don’t have to be the housekeeper by default.
I’m not saying that you shouldn’t have household duties, everyone has a degree of obligation to take part in keeping a household functional. I’m just saying that you have a say in what duties those are, and that it is possible to attempt to negotiate them in a way that’s respectful and polite.
Not every family works well enough to have good communication about such things. And some families really do think that not having outside work means you are essentially a slave to the household. If that’s the case, there’s only so many options. But you do still have some options, if you want to take them. Again, that’s totally your choice, I would not try and convince you that you have to do anything, it’s your life, your family, you get to decide how you interact with them, not anyone else.
I’m not okay with it. But there’s nothing I can do without making my family my enemy