All I can think of is that gym bro doing shots of olive oil. It’s an ancient greentext story, where he figured it’s fine on food and in food, so the free calories are easy gains. Right? This went great until poop exited his body unimpeded. It would be misleading and incomplete to say that he shit his pants. It’s more that a whole turd let itself out and made its way straight down one pant leg. Like it had important places to be.
similar 100% true story from a green text:
kid goes out for his 21st, and grandpa tells him that the secret to never getting too drunk is drinking some olive oil before a shot, so that the alcohol never enters the bloodstream, or something.
they follow through, and shit their pants after one round; ironically, the oil drinking did technically prevent them from getting drunk.
I don’t care if it’s fake, it’s still a hilarious idea
Am Greek, can confirm you will not regret this.
Counterpoint: have sleep for dinner. You’re tired enough. By the time you wake up, you’ll be less than 12 hours away from hitting the point where the hunger pangs start to get weaker. If you make it to 36 hours, they go away completely. Your body has at that point switched entirely to burning fat for energy and you will feel extra alert, focused, and energetic. Every physical activity you do prompts the release of human growth hormone to prevent muscle wastage, but your body does begin to break down damaged proteins all throughout itself, cannibalizing excess skin and malfunctioning cells. This is referred to as autophagy, and whatever reclaimed proteins don’t get used to heal your muscles and joints will be metabolized via gluconeogenesis, providing your brain with all the glucose it needs to function. You will need to drink a lot more water, though, and you’ll lose ~3lbs per day, so you probably will need to eat soon. But for now, your slavemasters will be briefly amused by your increased productivity, and the slum lord will appreciate that the money you didn’t spend on calories will line its pockets.
You also will get cramps and muscle spasms if you don’t supplement Natrium, Potassium, Magnesium. Also for me the hunger returned on day 3 and got so bad I had to stop the water fast at day 5 because it was driving me insane.
Now I just skip breakfast and have on some days only “light meals”. Easier and more sustainable long time.
By the end of my post it reveals a facetious tone, but I’m glad you engaged it as though it were sincere anyway. This electrolyte supplementation (sodium aka natrium, potassium, and magnesium) is exactly what I do whenever I choose (of my own free will and not coerced by capitalistic abuse) to forego food for a few days. I most recently went 96 hours to challenge myself but I usually only do 72. I was doing 72 hours water fasting with electrolyte and micronutrient supplements every week since August and I in fact kinda just fell into it by accident and it stuck due to how easy it was and how good it felt.
Where’s the lie?
Olives are the one food that I don’t like. Seriously, the one thing. So for me, olives have always been a lie
Replace this pic with pickles though and I’m 1000% on board
I once thought I didn’t like olives, till I tried some Spanish olives from a local market there. I realised that I just dislike bad olives
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I do like pickles but olives are def better in my opinion.
A duel it is, then
Hated olives for my entire life untill my wife let me taste some lettinos. Those where amazing most kalamata olives are great and tasty aswell avoid those from the supermarket though they seem to be soaked in preservatives.
There is a world of quality differences in olives. The ones who are not homogeneous of color seem to be ages over time instead of with acid.
I could always count on one of those giant sams club jars of green olives from my grandma on my birthday when I was a kid.
That you’d regret it? What’s to regret from becoming a Greek philosopher slash Olympic warrior?
Don’t judge. They taste good and I use a fork (I’m not an animal)
Technically all humans are animals. Using a fork doesn’t make you better than us schlubs
*can also be substituted with pickles
As someone who has eaten the majority of a container of pickles in one sitting…
You’ll be spending time sitting somewhere else after. Whether you regret that or not it’s entirely a matter of opinion.
I would drink olive brine instead of water every day if it wouldn’t kill me.
Or those pickled baby-corn cobs!
Like this classic green text:
Wow what a great and nutritious meal
Olives are unironically among the healthiest stuff you can eat.
Also a great way to spice up aglio e olio a bit. Don’t use the pasta water to emulsify in that case but roast some flour in the oil, then use the water from the olive jar, the olives themselves only have to get warmed up a bit. Don’t forget the chilli.
Oh and get black olives. black ones, not blackened, look for Iron(II)-lactate or -gluconate that shit shouldn’t be in there. Even better: Don’t get jars but salted ones, in modern times the only ingredients will be olives, salt, and vacuum. You’ll probably have to order them online if you don’t have a suitable ethnic store in your neighbourhood and they’re going to be both better and cheaper than that supermarket stuff. They last for ages if unopened and/or stored properly, before eating you should soak them in water though to get rid of the excessive salt. Oh, and be prepared for a de-stoning marathon.
I’m starting to think I might regret it.
I have yet to regret such a decision. Though to be fair I didn’t use my fingers and eat directly from a jar. That could be the difference.
I eat spam straight out of the can with a spoon
You could combine spam along with the spam.
Have you got anything without spam?
Urgghh!
It’s the fucking beans all over again
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I think there will be periods of regret…. Highs followed by lows, that’s just the path you walk as a compulsive olive eater.
I haven’t tried a green olive since I was a kid and I kinda wonder if I would still think they’re gross. I know the pimento still is.
Black olives are bomb as fuck tho. And I do eat them straight from the jar. 🤤
I love kalamata olives, but just remember the green ones in the jar tasting like metal when I was a kid. Haven’t touched them in ages though
That’s exactly what I love about them, but I was also the weird kid that liked to chew on zippers and ball bearings and I liked to lick 9v batteries. I guess I just love the taste of metal.
Ever consider a tongue piercing?
