I feel I’ve seen this exact joke in an SMBC or something several years ago
Even more similar than I remembered!
The joke has been around a while, so they probably have made the same joke.
That joke’s been around since 1750 BC
Tell Ea-nasir: Nanni sends the following message:
When Jesus came, Jesus said to you as follows : “I will return when the time is right.” Jesus left then but has not yet returned to you as promised. Now you look to my messenger (Sit-Sin) and ask: “Why, then, has Jesus not returned?”
What do you take me for, that Jesus would not return to me after visiting? Would you treat somebody like Jesus with such contempt? I have sent as messengers gentlemen like ourselves to invite Jesus to return several times, and that through enemy territory. Is there anyone among the merchants who trade with Telmun to whom Jesus has not returned?
You alone ask why this is so! Take cognizance that (from now on) Jesus shall exercise against you the right of rejection if you have treated him with contempt. How did you treat Jesus when he visited?
Translated from the original Akkadian: https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/complaint-tablet-to-ea-nasir (er… this is a joke btw)
Top tier joke, mate.
Our world if Ea-nasir had sold good copper:
Jesus ain’t coming back until people stop wearing crosses around their neck, scaring him away.
Jesus is a vampire?
I think they mean because Jesus was supposedly murdered on a cross, and then his followers wear said cross as a symbol of their love for him or some shit - which is honestly kind of weird.
You think that’s weird? They drink his blood and eat his flesh too.
I wouldn’t come back either
I mean, He told us to
Zombie. Undead, eats flesh and blood, isn’t allergic to sunlight, infection spreads through contact. Zombie.
Inverse zombie. Living people eat his flesh.
To Francis from Left 4 Dead, there is no difference between a zombie and a vampire.
If I die, don’t let those bastards eat me!
we enshrined his torture and put it literally everywhere. you think that might have anything to do with it?
Well people said if he comes back he’s going to slaughter all of us, maybe making him afraid to come back is the point? Haha
Only those who don’t like Him
Nah, hes supposed to take all of the ones that followed him to heaven to, so everyone dies right?
The rapture is unbiblical anyway. None of this really comes from the actual text - it’s squinting and connecting random unconnected Bible verses.
Into the Bibleverse spoilers
We’re not talking about the rapture, we’re talking about the second coming.
The rapture is the unbiblical doctrine that all of the people who are saved will just disappear and the rest will be left behind.
Is The Rapture threatening us with a good time?
Also, I didn’t know the difference between the rapture and the second coming of Jesus so thanks for the info!
Well, Jesus also said the worst people are the people to make a big public show of being religious, and that when they get to judgement day he’s gonna be like “I never knew ye” because they were terrible and false.
I used to be in the same boat- I just thought the rapture was a synonym for the second coming. It’s rapture theology that’s unbiblical, but not the second coming itself.
Actually only the souls of the saved go to heaven. The bodies stay behind, and without any clear cause of death they become feral animals that sublimate their previously-ennobled desire for human togetherness into a simple guttural desire to consume human flesh.
The rest of us unrepentant sinners are left conscious among this new sea of soulless flesh, to defend ourselves against their ravenous teeth.
The saved man does not live on bread alone. He also desires communion, and Jesus has left the building.
deleted by creator
Is this an actual theological position or did you just make it up
What’s the difference?
It’s not like all humankind suffers and he is a relatable representation of our own suffering. Kind of like Iron Man or other heroes.
Look, if they did that to Jesus they will do the same or worse to you without batting an eye.
Well, Iron Man was crucified for our sins.
As was James T. Kirk.
Iron Man had the best last words of the three.
#Jesusdiditfirst
We tortured Him first
I mean, he got better so it’s nbd right?
He forgives us if we come to Him :)
“you think if JFK comes back he wants to see sniper rifles everywhere?”
TBF, his (hypothetical) dad planned the whole thing.
Yes, but only because he knew our nature, and still wanted to love and forgive us, despite being quite unforgivable.
Sure. That fucker wants to forgive us and he gets a pass. I want to love and forgive everyone and I wind up with a life sentence for murdering my son.
That’s your mistake.
You set up a situation in which he will end up being murdered by others.
Step 1: become a healthcare CEO
Step 2: deny defend depose
Step 3: profit
Thomson died for our spin
😬
That’s why the trinity is essential - Jesus is God. God became man so He could die Himself
Total nonsense that one can only accept through thorough indoctrination
How so?
perhaps you could explain to me how three people could exist in one? of course without using the words “holy mystery.” how convenient is it that the most basic tenets of the religion, like the belief in god, require blind faith.
but God is beyond comprehension you will say, and that of course not all of it makes sense to my feeble human mind.
What about this: How is it reasonable for you to believe in a religion?
Because you were told to, absent of any sort of proof, from the time that you were a child? Granted I’m making an assumption but one well grounded in reality.
What of the similarities (Virgin birth, resurrection, etc.) to other religions? what about the constant translations re-translations and mis-translations of the bible? What about the Hindu and Buddhists that believe in their faith just as fervently because they too were indoctrinated from birth? is your book older than their book? Is your God more plausible than their God?
regardless of all that, if you make the claim that God exists or that he’s three people or he’s got 17 arms, the burden of proof is on you, and I guarantee you can’t meet it.
I can explain to you how two people can exist in one. Your father is also a son.
I don’t think there’s a point answering the first as it relies on the second.
Your assumption is wrong. I deconstructed my beliefs and ended up switching denomination because of it. And as I have said earlier - albeit to somebody else - the genetic fallacy doesn’t hold any water. Most Christians I hang out with actually are converts themselves, including my closest brethren. I could also say “if you grew up in Saudi Arabia, you wouldn’t be an atheist”. Doesn’t legitimise or delegitimise your beliefs. It depends on if you questioned your beliefs. If someone was raised atheist, decided to examine religions and stuck with atheism in the end, I don’t think it would be fair to say that they were just indoctrinated as an atheist and discount their atheism. I questioned my own beliefs and they changed slightly, but I saw the rest were well grounded.
Similarities in other religions predating Christianity aren’t quite the same. Sure, some themes exist, but Christianity is quite original in the narrative.
The translation of the Bible I use is the English Standard Version, which is translated from copies of the original greek manuscripts. Textual criticism is important. While we don’t have the originals or even first generation copies, we have several new testament manuscripts spanning parts of Asia, Africa and Europe. And they all say roughly the same thing. Mistakes and variants (usually spelling errors, misplaced verses, at most a different or new paragraph) can easily be weeded out by looking at the majority of manuscripts. Thankfully - unlike most records from that time period - we have an abundance of new testament manuscripts to work from. If you have a Bible with footnotes (specifically thinking about my ESV here) it clearly states where there is a variant and we can’t be sure. Such as John 8:1-11, the doxology of the Lord’s prayer or the ending of Mark’s Gospel.
Hinduism and Buddhism (like most religions) both try and preach a Jesus. They both adapted to Jesus trying to make room for him. Buddhism compromised and claimed Jesus was a Bodhisvatta (Jesus Himself didn’t - He claimed to be the One True God) and Hinduism tries to depict him as another rendering of god (Jesus said He was the only way).
Proving the Trinity without first proving Christianity is pointless;
The best place to start when looking into any religion is Jesus - He forms the biggest and is incorporated in basically all of them, so He’s a good place to start. If Jesus is who He said He is, then what He said is true.
You’ve got a strange definition of love. That sounds like manipulation to me.
Is god also jesus and the holy spirit all at once?
Ah, yes, the holy Trinity.
The only thing that made less sense than a virgin birth or resurrection.
It still doesn’t make sense. Like from a narrative view either. It doesn’t help the story, or the belief it’s just a useless… Thing?
a virgin birth
parthenogenesis – Jesus is a clone of Mary – which also make him canonically a trans man
the perfect push over the edge for the doubting christian in your life: was Jesus trans or was Mary an adulterer?
What’s the logic?
Virgin births exist in nature. There are entire species of lizards that are only composed of females, for example the mourning gecko lepidodactylus lugubris only reproduces via virgin birth.
Due to how parthogenesis works, individuals born through virgin births are always clones of the mother. Thus they are all females.
If (big if) Jesus existed and IF (even bigger if) he was conceived through a virgin birth, he therefore must have been biologically female since there were no male chromosomes involved in his conception. Hence, Jesus sex must have been female but his gender was male (he/him pronouns)… ergo he was a trans man.
If Jesus existed and was a biological male, he could not have been conceived through a virgin birth, the best explanation then is that either a) Mary had sex with Joseph, but then why the virgin birth story? Or b) Mary was an adulterer who concocted the “virgin birth” story to hide her adultery from Joseph.
Since explanation a) falls flat on it’s face, we are left with either 1) trans man or 2) Mary the adulterer.
Edit: correcting spelling mistakes
Scholars unanimously agree that Jesus existed, was baptised and crucified. His followers had reason to believe that He rose from the dead as well.
You also left out explanation 0, which is that Jesus was conceived via the Holy Spirit. Jesus did have a Father - God. He is God from God. Joseph was also visited by an angel and I think we could probably take it as fact that they didn’t divorce (as we have records of Jesus being referred to a boy of Joseph) So no, this can’t cause a crisis of faith for a believer.
Miracles are called miracles for a reason- you are right that a virgin cannot give birth to a male without divine intervention (except from artificial insemination)
for what?
How does it debunk Christianity?
It makes sense in the context of an infinite being existing in numerous places at once. It’s not useless as it shows God Himself died for our sins
He is whatever you want them to be.
No! It can’t be!
What is it?
It can’t be!
What did you do Ray?
Oh no!
It’s the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man.
That’s all retconning.
Dude showed up with a message for peace, was murdered and his murder is celebrated. Literally, a bunch of people running around pretending that’s what he wanted. The propaganda is so strong that everyone just accepts it as fact.
It’s really not much different than claiming a women wanted to be sexually assaulted because of what she was wearing.
No?
Mark 15:29-30 And those who passed by derided him, wagging their heads and saying, “Aha! You who would destroy the temple and rebuild it in three days, save yourself, and come down from the cross!”
Even the old testament shows it was voluntary
Isaiah 53:6-9 All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned—every one—to his own way; and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all. He was oppressed, and he was afflicted, yet he opened not his mouth; like a lamb that is led to the slaughter, and like a sheep that before its shearers is silent, so he opened not his mouth. By oppression and judgment he was taken away; and as for his generation, who considered that he was cut off out of the land of the living, stricken for the transgression of my people? And they made his grave with the wicked and with a rich man in his death, although he had done no violence, and there was no deceit in his mouth.
Jesus claimed to be God
John 10:30 “I and the Father are one.”
John 8:57-58 So the Jews said to him, “You are not yet fifty years old, and have you seen Abraham?” Jesus said to them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, before Abraham was, I am.”
Yeah, no shit. They wrote a bunch of books with varying accounts claiming exactly this. All retcon. All written decades after the events. The Bible is bullshit.
All written decades after the events.
Unlike most of history for that time, which was usually written centuries after the events.
Yes.
Whosoever will be saved, before all things it is necessary that he hold the catholic faith. Which faith unless every one do keep whole and undefiled, without doubt he shall perish everlastingly. And the catholic faith is this: that we worship one God in Trinity, and Trinity in Unity; neither confounding the Persons, nor dividing the Essence. For there is one Person of the Father; another of the Son; and another of the Holy Ghost. But the Godhead of the Father, of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost, is all one; the Glory equal, the Majesty coeternal. Such as the Father is; such is the Son; and such is the Holy Ghost. The Father uncreated; the Son uncreated; and the Holy Ghost uncreated. The Father infinite; the Son infinite; and the Holy Ghost infinite. The Father eternal; the Son eternal; and the Holy Ghost eternal. And yet they are not three eternals; but one eternal. As also there are not three uncreated; nor three infinites, but one uncreated; and one infinite. So likewise the Father is Almighty; the Son Almighty; and the Holy Ghost Almighty. And yet they are not three Almighties; but one Almighty. So the Father is God; the Son is God; and the Holy Ghost is God. And yet they are not three Gods; but one God. So likewise the Father is Lord; the Son Lord; and the Holy Ghost Lord. And yet not three Lords; but one Lord. For like as we are compelled by the Christian verity; to acknowledge every Person by himself to be God and Lord; So are we forbidden by the catholic religion; to say, There are three Gods, or three Lords. The Father is made of none; neither created, nor begotten. The Son is of the Father alone; not made, nor created; but begotten. The Holy Ghost is of the Father and of the Son; neither made, nor created, nor begotten; but proceeding. So there is one Father, not three Fathers; one Son, not three Sons; one Holy Ghost, not three Holy Ghosts. And in this Trinity none is before, or after another; none is greater, or less than another. But the whole three Persons are coeternal, and coequal. So that in all things, as aforesaid; the Unity in Trinity, and the Trinity in Unity, is to be worshipped. He therefore that will be saved, let him thus think of the Trinity. Furthermore, it is necessary to everlasting salvation; that he also believe faithfully the Incarnation of our Lord Jesus Christ. For the right Faith is, that we believe and confess; that our Lord Jesus Christ, the Son of God, is God and Man; God, of the Substance [Essence] of the Father; begotten before the worlds; and Man, of the Substance [Essence] of his mother, born in the world. Perfect God; and perfect Man, of a reasonable soul and human flesh subsisting. Equal to the Father, as touching his Godhead; and inferior to the Father as touching his Manhood. Who although he is God and Man; yet he is not two, but one Christ. One; not by conversion of the Godhead into flesh; but by assumption of the Manhood into God. One altogether; not by confusion of Substance [Essence]; but by unity of Person. For as the reasonable soul and flesh is one man; so God and Man is one Christ; Who suffered for our salvation; descended into hell; rose again the third day from the dead. He ascended into heaven, he sitteth on the right hand of God the Father Almighty, from whence he will come to judge the living and the dead. At whose coming all men will rise again with their bodies; And shall give account for their own works. And they that have done good shall go into life everlasting; and they that have done evil, into everlasting fire. This is the catholic faith; which except a man believe truly and firmly, he cannot be saved.
Thruth is, opinions differ a lot among christians when it comes to trinity. You should respect other views (and not just the christian ones).
Apart from whether or not The Holy Spirit proceeds from the son as well as The Father, opinion doesn’t differ and all Christians agree on the triune God.
That’s simply not true, unitarians disagree with the trinity thing.
Unitarianism is a completely different religion 🤦 even Islam is closer to Christianity than to Unitarianism
Also not true. The Unitarian church is a reformed Christian branch, and there are more than one unitarian branches. The fact they seem like heretics to you doesn’t mean they’re not Chistians.
A press conference with aliens? I don’t think so. They’ll be killed and get a very detailed autopsy as soon as they put their feet on the ground
Unless we were threatened with overwhelming power.
Then I hope they have no feet! 🤪
There’s a sci-fi book series called Hyperion where one of the main fucuses of the far-future theocratic government is to search for signs and symbolism of Jesus on other planets. Since if you find an alien species worshipping Jesus or using cross symbolism, you’ve all but proven that God exists.
You will prove that one god exists?
Or even less, you will prove that someone with god-like powers exists?
Or even less, you will prove tat we live in a simulation written by some christian sect.
If all successful civilizations believe in something isomorphic to the Pythagorean theorem, then this is evidence that it’s real.
God works the same way.
Well, Jesus claimed to be God and the only God at that
To be exact, it was a few centuries later that people told that about him, before it was written down.
No, it was a matter of decades. And even then, most facts about historical figures from then are written down centuries later.
‘facts’
Where was Julius Caesar born?
Will be reading this if you think it’s worth it.
I’m a huge fan of classic sci-fi (Asimov, Heinlein). How does it hold up?
And before someone eats me alive about Heinlein, I’ve heard it all. Been a fan since I was a kid and the ideological side of it doesn’t matter to me as much as the stories these days. I’m an atheist because of authors like him. I wouldn’t take it back for anything.
If you like old school scifi you’ll probably like it. It’s a grand opera. Prolog to the first book is online here:
Hyperion was a fun read. Definitely recommend. I had a small book club and it was fun to talk about.
“This is my blood” was actually a miscommunication, he meant that the cup he was holding was his and it was full of blood he didn’t want to share.
Looool
The first book is phenomenal. The others are good, but not necessarily “must read”
It’s like The Canterbury Tales in space. It’s four books, but the first one stands on its own.
Strange to me to our Asimov and Heinlein in the same genre. That’s like when I start Spotify Radio from Cheryl Crow and get Metallica and Green Day because Spotify thinks I’m looking for “90s music”
They’re both definitely scfi and I have enjoyed all that I have read of them.
I will say, I haven’t read a lot of them since I was a teenager and I’m old now.
Still though, robots, moon people, mars people, dude being thrown from universe to universe.
It’s pretty clear to me why it’s the same genre.
Or aliens copied 3rd century Rome.
Yeah, but wait until you hear what these green guys did to Santa.
HO HO HO
Actually, he only cums once a year.
We killed God. And we’d do it again if given the chance.
Oh, I know a good chunk of this country seeing a brown skinned guy helping out the poor and being all woke and shit, would put him right back up on that cross.
God creates earth. God creates dinosaurs. God destroys dinosaurs. God creates man. Man destroys god. Man creates dinosaurs. Dinosaurs eat man. Woman inherits the earth.
Life, uh, finds a way.
It’s so interesting to see reactions of horror triggered by a mention of kindness suddenly putting one’s own actions into perspective.
More like “what didn’t we do?”
Am I right?
Like 90% of what he told us to do, for starters.
That 10% is doing a lot of work here
Jesus: “Love one another.”
Everyone else: “We’re gonna kill that son of a bitch.”
Explanation: humans suck
Because that’s where I got it from, that’s where I linked the source to
understandable, have a good day
I second this.
If y’all think Jesus is so good you should meet his hermanito lupe.
If Jesus were to show up on an alien planet would He be incarnate as an alien
Yes.
The question is, would he be alien to us or them.
Might also depend - were these aliens created also in God’s image? Do they have original sin?
If they’re “intelligent” then I think yes. “God’s image” is a reference of conscious, loving, and powerful. They would have original sin if they evolved out of a biological gauntlet like we did and had to fear constantly because it was the only way for their species to survive amongst all the predatory life around them.
As a buddhist evolutionary psychologist might put it, they would have dukkha nature because a default state of dissatisfied craving would be the thing that drove them to keep worrying after their bellies were full.
Their civilization would have taken them to new environments beyond their Environment of Evolutionary Adaptedness, requiring them to “work” instead of just following their instinctual programming.
So they would have had their own ejection from their own Eden, into the world of mortality.
They would have left the effortless Tao of their original nature. They would be like Amazonian tree frogs living in glass boxes solving simple puzzles to get food pellets. Capable, but horrified and missing something they never consciously knew.
We all must pass through this phase of awkward separation as we emerge from nature into civilization.
