I work with a needy man, the kind of person who needs constant attention and feels threatened by silence. If I choose to read something on my phone instead of giving him attention he asks if everything’s all right. If I choose to meditate, adopting a yoga like position and closing my eyes before working he asks the same. It’s like he needs people talking to him constantly.
I am the opposite, I believe: I don’t talk about my life at work, I go there because I need a paycheck, but I’m open to learn from more knowledgeable colleagues, something he clearly is not.
What I’ve done so far: avoiding him, not looking him in the eye when he wants to talk to me, telling him that I’m working when he wants to talk to me, giving dull answers, feigning ignorance about several topics, ignoring him when I’m talking to another person and he asks what we’re talking about.
He still comes and sits next to me and tells me about his family, something I don’t care about.
I’m torn because I want to tell him to leave me alone, that I don’t care about his life, but considering the ‘offense’ this seems too much and knowing me I’d immediately regret it and feel bad about it.
Why am I like this?
It’s the simple things in life… always the simple things. Have you ever said the simple things to him?
“Be quiet now.”
“Leave me alone.”
(and after his response, whatever it is, you be quiet yourself)
What?? Imagine telling anyone to “be quiet now”. That’s plainly rude and won’t help
It’s important to be honest and polite. “I really need to focus on my work and be silent for a few hours a day. I’d be happy to chat on a coffee break, but I need to have some quiet time please”
But what if they aren’t happy to chat on their coffee breaks either?
What you’re suggesting is basically just hitting the snooze button. “I’m sorry but I’m just the type of person who don’t do small talk.” in a polite but firm manner have worked wonders for me before.
Sure, why not. If OP really doesn’t want to small talk they can say that.
OP doesn’t mention they hate smalltalk. I just gave a suggestion of words that I thought would fit, but I also don’t know OP
If it is rude in your culture, you should find the appropriate way of expression
But that won’t help either, because it makes too many words. By far.
It is essential to stay absolutely focused in such cases. You want something, so you say what you want, and nothing else. And then silence.
Silence is your goal.
Nothing about what you yourself are doing, only what you want the other one to do. Nothing about coffee and nothing about last year’s vacation on that beautiful island in the sun with the bowling club and how drunk they all were… The barest minimum is the right amount of politeness.
Ok, now be quiet please.
I keked